Most reviewers and film critics like to review “films.” F*ck that. I watch movies, I like movies, so I’m going to review movies. I can appreciate art when it’s there, but what I’m looking for when I pay my $10 and grab a popcorn is a good time.  I’ll make sure to give you a high quality, objective review of a movie; critiquing it’s cinematography and score, directing and acting caliber. But I will also throw in my personal opinion. More often than not, these two are complete opposites.

If you want a clear, objective review of each movie, you really will have to read through everything. However, to give a quick summary and overview of each movie, I created a rating system that I like. None of this 1-10 stuff. While a movie like “Return of the Living Dead 2” is piece of crap in movie terms, it has something very endearing about it, so I could never give it a 3/10. Here is a quick explanation of the ratings:

Story: The meat and potatoes of the movie. Story takes into account not only the characters, plot and themes, but how well the actors and directors portray these elements.

Visuals: What you see is what you get here. We’ll look at things like camera angles, set design, costumes and special effects. Stuff like gore can earn you points for being tasteful or complementing the story in some way, but if it’s unnecessary and brutal a flick will get downgraded. The gore in Dead Alive is excessive, but it’s played in a lighthearted way so it’s fine for the movie. The gore in Hostel is excessive, but it is played in a disturbing way, which makes me want to puke. No points for that kind of stuff. And yes, points will definitely be added if you include Venessa Hudgens in your movie.

Fun Factor: That intangible bit every movie has. Like scrappiness in a mid-major basketball squad, fun factor is something you can just feel, and it can truly change the tides in an instant. Movies with a high fun factor just leave you feeling good, for whatever reason. This one is the hardest to describe but the easiest to rate.

Thanks for reading. If you like what you read, let me know, I appreciate hearing from everyone.

  1. Daniel Iske says:

    We have a horror webseries called “The Dead Hour” we’d love for you to take a look at and review. Our site is http://www.thedeadhour.com. Thanks!

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